The riverine metaphor of time as water, its gentle current in youth, and the unexpected bumps beneath the boat in adulthood resonate profoundly. Your story encapsulates the essence of your relationship with your son. It's a moment of shared understanding, unspoken love, and the acknowledgment that, ultimately, it was never about the specific traditions but the connection they fostered. It's a testament to the fluidity of traditions and the enduring essence of what truly matters—being present in the moment with those we hold dear. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt reflection.
Through my tears I have to tell you that my “baby” boy (34) just announced his engagement to his love! Although theirs is not a traditional relationship (his love is nonbinary) we couldn’t be more thrilled! They love all our traditions and to see the two of them so in love just makes this momma heart soar!
My grandgirl and my son love traditions, and making memories. Times change, new people come into their lives, some traditions do change and go by the way. The important ones that mean the most stay and are celebrated. Not much remains the same over the years,you decide together, which ones stay, a new tradition.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Your pieces about your relationship are always my favorites. The amount of heart in them takes my breath away. My daughter is 20, and I’m pretty sure that tomorrow will be the last year (at least for several years) that she spends NYE with us. I’ve told many parents with younger kids that the key to having a good relationship as they get older is that you have to be willing to evolve with them. It sounds like you’ve realized that as well. You’ve built such a strong foundation with your son that he will always treasure every one of the traditions-old & new. I’d be willing to bet that when he becomes a dad himself, he will start some of the very same traditions the two of you had with his own kids.
I am at the beginning of the river, having just celebrated my baby girl’s First Christmas (technically her second, but she was in the NICU for the first one, so this is the real First). We have some established family traditions that we were so happy to include her in, and began some new ones just for her and our little family of three. The thought of how fast our time will go and how much things will change brought me to tears. I hope she will love our traditions and will always want to return to our family once she leaves the nest. You and your son have a beautiful relationship, and you are an inspiration to me as a new mom.
Great piece of writing. I have rhubarb from my garden in the freezer that requires a place in a pie or on top of ice cream now. Thank you for the reminder that it’s time to pull it out and use. Like others here, we also have been adapting our traditions since university age students graduate and become adults in their own boats. Hope for gentle flows.
Good one. I am way past you so this essay resonates because of grandkids. They are speeding up to the finish line of youth. They remind me so much of their dad which gives me another chance to watch my two favorite boys grow up. These kids get two sets of people to provide memories for their lives. I have already said goodbye to childhood once so this time is more predictable, and I am a little more ready to participate from afar. Keep throwing out the bread crumbs of memories and swell times. He will always return for the real deal. Good wake up call this morning.
💜👍 The reality is that "traditions" can become a burden rather than a celebration, and I feel that that is what you recognised here. The joy wouldn't have been there the same if you had forced it, and it would have been a form of stopping the flow of the river for your son, as in blocking a part of HIS growing up in showing things can change & still be good. 🤷
My only Christmas tradition I can recall was in getting a "Santa bag" 🎅 full of fruit - oranges, bananas, cherries etc. We were very financially constricted, fruit was a treat & not plentiful anyway, and well into our teenage years we insisted on getting our Santa bag if we were home for Christmas (even though we had access to plenty of fruit now & could afford to have as much as we wanted..) Funny what pops up in later life as memorable 🤔⁉️
You are right to adjust your traditions. Time does keep flowing and when your kids are older, and when they go off to college or get married, the traditions have to change. The whole point is the time shared with your kids. It could happen on the 23rd, like we did this year, or whenever you are able to be together. The point is being together, not the day or what you did in the past, but what fits now. Merry Christmas to you and your son.
"This Is Water" by David Foster Wallace. You are every bit as excellent a writer as he was. You've made so many memories with your son, and they will sustain you in the future. You have been "present" for him and so many others. Your peeps appreciate you. All the best in 2024.
This really hit home. My kids are all older 34, 38, and 40. The oldest, my son, came for a visit with his wife and son. I baked all day before they came (Christmas cookies) that I’ve been baking since I was young, with my mom. When he brought his son into the kitchen he told him “now it’s Christmas” as he grabbed a few cookies. And to think this year I wasn’t going to make them. The two younger ones, both daughters, were aghast when I said I wasn’t going to make them this year. My daughter in love said she needs the recipe. I feel like we’re full circle. And there are some traditions that carry on for generations.
💙 So glad you got the gift of knowing your past efforts had been so significant to your son such that he equated "Christmas" with something YOU did - perhaps he didn't even realise it was so until now 🫠
"Even during the unhappiest stretches of my life, I have never wished away time."
Why you gotta go and make me all weepy this morning??
I don't think of your new tradition so much as a change, but rather an adaptation. The stability you've created for him, and your parenting with intention, means that regardless of where either of you are physically located, he knows *home* with Dad will always be there.
A wise friend recently talked to me about working with cards you're dealt that are right in front of you as a means to reconcile the way we'd wished for things to be with the way the situation actually came together.
You really made the best of the time you had. Well done, Mike. Well done.
You have captured, in your usual beautifully emotive way, what has happened between me and our daughter. She's 37, still living at home, brilliant with a B.S. in molecular biology, but oh-so-adrift. I am working 6 days/week (I was lucky enough to not work while raising her), and often unable to participate in some of the rituals we once had. So she has taken over some of the leg work and we still have a version of those things. It's different, but it's still good. Glad you've done the same! <3
Very very beautiful and sweet. Loved it. I get it, I really get all of it
The riverine metaphor of time as water, its gentle current in youth, and the unexpected bumps beneath the boat in adulthood resonate profoundly. Your story encapsulates the essence of your relationship with your son. It's a moment of shared understanding, unspoken love, and the acknowledgment that, ultimately, it was never about the specific traditions but the connection they fostered. It's a testament to the fluidity of traditions and the enduring essence of what truly matters—being present in the moment with those we hold dear. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt reflection.
Through my tears I have to tell you that my “baby” boy (34) just announced his engagement to his love! Although theirs is not a traditional relationship (his love is nonbinary) we couldn’t be more thrilled! They love all our traditions and to see the two of them so in love just makes this momma heart soar!
My grandgirl and my son love traditions, and making memories. Times change, new people come into their lives, some traditions do change and go by the way. The important ones that mean the most stay and are celebrated. Not much remains the same over the years,you decide together, which ones stay, a new tradition.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Your pieces about your relationship are always my favorites. The amount of heart in them takes my breath away. My daughter is 20, and I’m pretty sure that tomorrow will be the last year (at least for several years) that she spends NYE with us. I’ve told many parents with younger kids that the key to having a good relationship as they get older is that you have to be willing to evolve with them. It sounds like you’ve realized that as well. You’ve built such a strong foundation with your son that he will always treasure every one of the traditions-old & new. I’d be willing to bet that when he becomes a dad himself, he will start some of the very same traditions the two of you had with his own kids.
I am at the beginning of the river, having just celebrated my baby girl’s First Christmas (technically her second, but she was in the NICU for the first one, so this is the real First). We have some established family traditions that we were so happy to include her in, and began some new ones just for her and our little family of three. The thought of how fast our time will go and how much things will change brought me to tears. I hope she will love our traditions and will always want to return to our family once she leaves the nest. You and your son have a beautiful relationship, and you are an inspiration to me as a new mom.
Great piece of writing. I have rhubarb from my garden in the freezer that requires a place in a pie or on top of ice cream now. Thank you for the reminder that it’s time to pull it out and use. Like others here, we also have been adapting our traditions since university age students graduate and become adults in their own boats. Hope for gentle flows.
Good one. I am way past you so this essay resonates because of grandkids. They are speeding up to the finish line of youth. They remind me so much of their dad which gives me another chance to watch my two favorite boys grow up. These kids get two sets of people to provide memories for their lives. I have already said goodbye to childhood once so this time is more predictable, and I am a little more ready to participate from afar. Keep throwing out the bread crumbs of memories and swell times. He will always return for the real deal. Good wake up call this morning.
💜👍 The reality is that "traditions" can become a burden rather than a celebration, and I feel that that is what you recognised here. The joy wouldn't have been there the same if you had forced it, and it would have been a form of stopping the flow of the river for your son, as in blocking a part of HIS growing up in showing things can change & still be good. 🤷
My only Christmas tradition I can recall was in getting a "Santa bag" 🎅 full of fruit - oranges, bananas, cherries etc. We were very financially constricted, fruit was a treat & not plentiful anyway, and well into our teenage years we insisted on getting our Santa bag if we were home for Christmas (even though we had access to plenty of fruit now & could afford to have as much as we wanted..) Funny what pops up in later life as memorable 🤔⁉️
You are right to adjust your traditions. Time does keep flowing and when your kids are older, and when they go off to college or get married, the traditions have to change. The whole point is the time shared with your kids. It could happen on the 23rd, like we did this year, or whenever you are able to be together. The point is being together, not the day or what you did in the past, but what fits now. Merry Christmas to you and your son.
"This Is Water" by David Foster Wallace. You are every bit as excellent a writer as he was. You've made so many memories with your son, and they will sustain you in the future. You have been "present" for him and so many others. Your peeps appreciate you. All the best in 2024.
This really hit home. My kids are all older 34, 38, and 40. The oldest, my son, came for a visit with his wife and son. I baked all day before they came (Christmas cookies) that I’ve been baking since I was young, with my mom. When he brought his son into the kitchen he told him “now it’s Christmas” as he grabbed a few cookies. And to think this year I wasn’t going to make them. The two younger ones, both daughters, were aghast when I said I wasn’t going to make them this year. My daughter in love said she needs the recipe. I feel like we’re full circle. And there are some traditions that carry on for generations.
💙 So glad you got the gift of knowing your past efforts had been so significant to your son such that he equated "Christmas" with something YOU did - perhaps he didn't even realise it was so until now 🫠
Oof, that one hits right in the feels. ❤️
Our traditions, now that we’re three fourths of a quartet have also evolved. Change is always hard. 💔
"Even during the unhappiest stretches of my life, I have never wished away time."
Why you gotta go and make me all weepy this morning??
I don't think of your new tradition so much as a change, but rather an adaptation. The stability you've created for him, and your parenting with intention, means that regardless of where either of you are physically located, he knows *home* with Dad will always be there.
A wise friend recently talked to me about working with cards you're dealt that are right in front of you as a means to reconcile the way we'd wished for things to be with the way the situation actually came together.
You really made the best of the time you had. Well done, Mike. Well done.
You have captured, in your usual beautifully emotive way, what has happened between me and our daughter. She's 37, still living at home, brilliant with a B.S. in molecular biology, but oh-so-adrift. I am working 6 days/week (I was lucky enough to not work while raising her), and often unable to participate in some of the rituals we once had. So she has taken over some of the leg work and we still have a version of those things. It's different, but it's still good. Glad you've done the same! <3
So beautiful!