I hadn’t thought of it that way, but so true and relevant. I need to think on it some more. Living in a city, the same changes. Very few places where I’m known as a “regular” anymore since there’s so much turnover, both places and staff.
I said something to my daughter about ice cream parlors and I thought she has never even seen one. They just don’t really exist anymore unless like you say they are downtown and expensive. I know you can get ice cream anywhere but an ice cream parlor had big menus and were places you went with friends to hang out at a table. Hot dog stands are hanging on for now in the Chicago area, which I love.
The exception to this in northern Virginia are urban ‘squares’ that have large spaces for farmers markets, pop up roller skating, ping pong, oversized chess, buskers, all surrounded by restaurants (expensive and inexpensive), shopping (expensive and inexpensive) theaters and ice cream. They are well planned, on the newer side and are hopping. The three areas I’m thinking of all have free parking, greenery, are dog (on leash) friendly and are kept clean. Multiply this and you have a dynamic formula that has something for all ages.
We used to make the rounds as teens in east Akron, OH, we would go to Roy Rogers for deep fried mushrooms, and a Jamoca shake, McD's for hamburgers and fries...we always went to the drive in theater. My best friend worked there and got us in free. I worked at the neighborhood movie house. It was a little art deco place and I worked there from age 12 to 17. The theater is still there. The drive ins are subdivisions. In Provo my BF who became my husband would take me and all our friends to the drive in. Then afterwards we would go to Sambos because it was open all night. The drive in is gone, the Sambos closed in the late 80s because it was called Sambos. We found a diner shipped from NJ in the mountain town of Oakley east and south of Park City. The food was ok and the diner was a classic beauty with stained glass windows etc. It is closed now but still in Oakley. I used to meet a friend at Village Inn for coffee and breakfast. It is gone. My hubs and sons and I used to frequent the Blue Plate Diner in Salt Lake City, it was even featured on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. They closed it last year and it was torn down for condos.
I hope things change across the country but I think it won't.
When Starbucks and all the starbucks copycats exploded, a lot of people thought they were selling coffees. But primarily they were selling a place to hang out. Read Ray Oldenburg's classic The Third Place.
In NW Philadelphia where I live, our beloved food co-op functions as a kind of third place. People shop at Weavers Way and know they will bump into people. Other places where community happens are various political activism (a bunch of people write postcards to voters AT the independent coffee place!) and faith communities. Some of us go to synagogue to talk to God; others go to synagogue (or church) to talk to each other!
Pick up sports, pick up live music - there are still ways for people to connect. After all the Diner scene isn't a place to meet people; it's a place to hang out with people you already know. Like you said, your son does that, just differently.
You nailed it! It's the incidental human connection and interaction that is so wonderful. As a retired person, I realized that this is exactly why I love doing volunteer activities.
Yup. To all of that. It parallels the lack of love lives in todays young adults. Their dating options have been reduced to one dimensional swiping. No meeting in all those places you listed. No opportunity to see skill or humor or a sense of fun or friendship on dating apps. Ugh. I know I sound old but these poor kids....
If I may offer a spark of hope: here in DFW, we have a theater chain that’s based in Austin where they have movie parties and play classic movies. My introverted teenaged son walks in and he’s in his element. We saw “Xanadu” there (he’s a big ELO fan so we had to go). The theater doesn’t play ads before the movie but plays relevant clips to get you mentally ready. When the pre-show played the clip from “It’s Always Fair Weather” where Gene Kelly tap danced on roller skates (!!), the audience watched silently and everyone applauded at the end. This was part of the PRE-SHOW. We turned to each other and smiled, knowing we were among our tribe. It’s a precious glimmer of hope in an increasingly homebound world.
I'm listening to this podcast right now and it brought to mind this piece of your writing. I think you might like listening to it so sharing the link here: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/dr-vivek-murthy-and-brene-on-loneliness-and-connection/
(one thing to note is it is from back in 2020 - just for context)
I was on vacation when this piece dropped; couldn’t comment. Enjoyed it, looking forward to the next one!
Wake me up when it's over
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but so true and relevant. I need to think on it some more. Living in a city, the same changes. Very few places where I’m known as a “regular” anymore since there’s so much turnover, both places and staff.
I said something to my daughter about ice cream parlors and I thought she has never even seen one. They just don’t really exist anymore unless like you say they are downtown and expensive. I know you can get ice cream anywhere but an ice cream parlor had big menus and were places you went with friends to hang out at a table. Hot dog stands are hanging on for now in the Chicago area, which I love.
Always a great read. Those were the days https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y3KEhWTnWvE
Great insights Mike. Thank you. There has definitely been a “shift” and covid was a huge factor.
My friends used to gather at Sambos. What the world needs is a good 5 cent cup of coffee!
I think you’ve hit on something important here. And made me nostalgic too.
The exception to this in northern Virginia are urban ‘squares’ that have large spaces for farmers markets, pop up roller skating, ping pong, oversized chess, buskers, all surrounded by restaurants (expensive and inexpensive), shopping (expensive and inexpensive) theaters and ice cream. They are well planned, on the newer side and are hopping. The three areas I’m thinking of all have free parking, greenery, are dog (on leash) friendly and are kept clean. Multiply this and you have a dynamic formula that has something for all ages.
Apt again: "Don't it always seem to go / That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone?"
We used to make the rounds as teens in east Akron, OH, we would go to Roy Rogers for deep fried mushrooms, and a Jamoca shake, McD's for hamburgers and fries...we always went to the drive in theater. My best friend worked there and got us in free. I worked at the neighborhood movie house. It was a little art deco place and I worked there from age 12 to 17. The theater is still there. The drive ins are subdivisions. In Provo my BF who became my husband would take me and all our friends to the drive in. Then afterwards we would go to Sambos because it was open all night. The drive in is gone, the Sambos closed in the late 80s because it was called Sambos. We found a diner shipped from NJ in the mountain town of Oakley east and south of Park City. The food was ok and the diner was a classic beauty with stained glass windows etc. It is closed now but still in Oakley. I used to meet a friend at Village Inn for coffee and breakfast. It is gone. My hubs and sons and I used to frequent the Blue Plate Diner in Salt Lake City, it was even featured on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. They closed it last year and it was torn down for condos.
I hope things change across the country but I think it won't.
When Starbucks and all the starbucks copycats exploded, a lot of people thought they were selling coffees. But primarily they were selling a place to hang out. Read Ray Oldenburg's classic The Third Place.
https://www.steelcase.com/research/articles/topics/design-q-a/q-ray-oldenburg/
In NW Philadelphia where I live, our beloved food co-op functions as a kind of third place. People shop at Weavers Way and know they will bump into people. Other places where community happens are various political activism (a bunch of people write postcards to voters AT the independent coffee place!) and faith communities. Some of us go to synagogue to talk to God; others go to synagogue (or church) to talk to each other!
Pick up sports, pick up live music - there are still ways for people to connect. After all the Diner scene isn't a place to meet people; it's a place to hang out with people you already know. Like you said, your son does that, just differently.
I heard of some grocery stores adding a slow checkout line just for those of us who want to talk to the cashiers and others in line.
You nailed it! It's the incidental human connection and interaction that is so wonderful. As a retired person, I realized that this is exactly why I love doing volunteer activities.
Yup. To all of that. It parallels the lack of love lives in todays young adults. Their dating options have been reduced to one dimensional swiping. No meeting in all those places you listed. No opportunity to see skill or humor or a sense of fun or friendship on dating apps. Ugh. I know I sound old but these poor kids....
If I may offer a spark of hope: here in DFW, we have a theater chain that’s based in Austin where they have movie parties and play classic movies. My introverted teenaged son walks in and he’s in his element. We saw “Xanadu” there (he’s a big ELO fan so we had to go). The theater doesn’t play ads before the movie but plays relevant clips to get you mentally ready. When the pre-show played the clip from “It’s Always Fair Weather” where Gene Kelly tap danced on roller skates (!!), the audience watched silently and everyone applauded at the end. This was part of the PRE-SHOW. We turned to each other and smiled, knowing we were among our tribe. It’s a precious glimmer of hope in an increasingly homebound world.