I can relate to the Pizza Hut story and I've had my heart broken a few times. That is why I'm a loner I guess, and I keep to myself. I like it that way.
Thank you for this Mike. Something I needed to hear today, and something several of my people need to hear. I will be forwarding this on to them and hopefully they will connect with it….and maybe even subscribe to your substack! ❤️
Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Spot on in a way that I never considered but is so true. I don’t think I will ever now not think of not only my pain brain but those of the people around me, close to me. My ex husband, my children, my current spouse, wow….
I’ve learned more about human emotion this past year by accidentally stumbling on topics in neurochemistry than I did through actually studying psychology. Go figure.
Pain and memory are a funny combination. On the one hand, as you described so well, those emotional pains linger in our memories. We remember the emotional hurt and how it made us feel. But physical pain? That's a different story. If our memories had us feel, really feel our past pains, well I think not only would it keep us from touching that hot stove again, but most women would think twice about having a second (or third...) baby. We remember that it hurt, but we don't feel that physical pain. Ask me about beloveds I have lost, though, and that pain comes rushing back.
All true… however, along with the pain of childbirth comes an absolute flood of reward hormones like serotonin. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that anything that furthers human reproduction is completely nudged by our biochemistry.
Totally makes sense that pain experiences are memorable & cause a pause if we think/feel it might be about to/possibly could happen again if we let our guard down. After 3 major relationship disappointments (thankfully no children involved so just me&he😵💫) I decided I was 💩💩 @ judging men & best to get on with life solo 🤷🏻♀️ Only so many times you can divide up the family home & start again eh? And SOO much time & energy trying to make it work that could be going into hanging out with people/friends/family you actually LIKE, or reading, listening to music, deciding to eat when you feel like it, doing the garden while the sun is shining or going for a walk without having to justify every decision to someone else.
So the "pain brain" freed me up to be more authentically ME 😊. Some people NEED other people to be around, & must a admit there are times that would be nice, but overall prefer the solo life 👍🏾Also suspect being neuro diverse has something to do with all of it ⁉️
Anyways, once again great insights & thought provoking judging by the comments 👏
Wow! At times I feel you know me so well. You are speaking directly to me, with words of comfort and clarity…telling me exactly what I need to hear…at exactly the right time. Thank you.
Wow…these two hit close to home on so many points (food poisoning, pain brain via childhood and my divorce, etc.). Thanks for the way you chart it all including how to get past it.
Yes, a million times, YES. This. Thank you. <3
Wow!! Such a heady and descriptive piece to digest…thank you!!
I can relate to the Pizza Hut story and I've had my heart broken a few times. That is why I'm a loner I guess, and I keep to myself. I like it that way.
Some women tell me that I wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe that's the problem.
Just have to say that you turn out to be a helluva writer. Thanks again for the deep thoughts, beautifully stated.
So many things to think.
Again you give me words for something I have felt but could not express properly. Thank you.
Now off to translate and apply the finer points to my/our own life/lives.
Have a happy weekend.
This was excellent! Im sure you know that but always nice to hear it.
This: There is no ‘getting over’, there is only ‘getting on with’.
Well, damn, Mike! You have taken me through another tunnel and to the other side. Skillfully, I might add.
Thank you! I had a lightbulb moment that I’m going to take into my EMDR therapy session today.
Thank you for this Mike. Something I needed to hear today, and something several of my people need to hear. I will be forwarding this on to them and hopefully they will connect with it….and maybe even subscribe to your substack! ❤️
That makes me happy to hear (the resonating part…)
Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Spot on in a way that I never considered but is so true. I don’t think I will ever now not think of not only my pain brain but those of the people around me, close to me. My ex husband, my children, my current spouse, wow….
I’ve learned more about human emotion this past year by accidentally stumbling on topics in neurochemistry than I did through actually studying psychology. Go figure.
Pain and memory are a funny combination. On the one hand, as you described so well, those emotional pains linger in our memories. We remember the emotional hurt and how it made us feel. But physical pain? That's a different story. If our memories had us feel, really feel our past pains, well I think not only would it keep us from touching that hot stove again, but most women would think twice about having a second (or third...) baby. We remember that it hurt, but we don't feel that physical pain. Ask me about beloveds I have lost, though, and that pain comes rushing back.
All true… however, along with the pain of childbirth comes an absolute flood of reward hormones like serotonin. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that anything that furthers human reproduction is completely nudged by our biochemistry.
Totally makes sense that pain experiences are memorable & cause a pause if we think/feel it might be about to/possibly could happen again if we let our guard down. After 3 major relationship disappointments (thankfully no children involved so just me&he😵💫) I decided I was 💩💩 @ judging men & best to get on with life solo 🤷🏻♀️ Only so many times you can divide up the family home & start again eh? And SOO much time & energy trying to make it work that could be going into hanging out with people/friends/family you actually LIKE, or reading, listening to music, deciding to eat when you feel like it, doing the garden while the sun is shining or going for a walk without having to justify every decision to someone else.
So the "pain brain" freed me up to be more authentically ME 😊. Some people NEED other people to be around, & must a admit there are times that would be nice, but overall prefer the solo life 👍🏾Also suspect being neuro diverse has something to do with all of it ⁉️
Anyways, once again great insights & thought provoking judging by the comments 👏
Wow! At times I feel you know me so well. You are speaking directly to me, with words of comfort and clarity…telling me exactly what I need to hear…at exactly the right time. Thank you.
This amazing sentence: "Allow no past to steal your present." That is profound and is a sentence to live by! Thank you, Hoarse!
Wow…these two hit close to home on so many points (food poisoning, pain brain via childhood and my divorce, etc.). Thanks for the way you chart it all including how to get past it.