Oh man. This made me cry. My son just turned 18. He is readying to go to college and I am so proud. He was my "little buddy". When he was an infant I was not working, so I took the night feedings, holding him in my arms and quietly watching cable TV as I fed him his bottle. At dawn, my wife took over after a full nights sleep and allowed me to get rest. We hosted Youtube vidoes we shared with family and I enjoyed a first child list of firts. First steps, first time pooping in a potty, first day of school, first girlfriend. You name it. Now he is leaving my pull and it is happy and sad, and reminds me of my own aging.
I’m giving you a lot of credit for breaking the chains that bound you and your childhood and raised your son differently. That doesn’t happen nearly often enough…
Your sweet special friend encouraged reading this, and I succumbed because she is so dear. I, as a parent of four, loved your deep space thoughts. Well done, VB.
1000 times YES!!. My counseling clients are male criminal offenders. Most of whom have the emotional maturity of early adolescence. Their parenting typically ranged from enmeshed helicoptering to abject neglect. The very opposite of the path you have taken with your son. I cannot emphasize enough how important the goal of raising a functional adult is. I see what happens when it isn’t. Your son is incredibly fortunate to have you as his dad. It will pay off for the rest of his life. You’ll see. And when you do, don’t be shy about taking some of the credit 🙂
I tried... I overcame much of the self-absorption and indifference my mother had when I was younger, and definitely steered far from the physical, verbal, and sexual abuse that my father used, but somehow one kid flew and the other hasn't... yet. Hope springs eternal, however, and we are still working with mental health professionals to get her off the ground. I'm not sure where the mission aborted, but hopefully, we'll get there eventually. <3 Congrats on making terrific 'seat-of-the-pants' parenting choices. We children of somewhat hidebound, imperfect parents can do a lot when we try!
My youngest will be 18 in a month. I will be a mom to 2 young adults. I’m proud to say that I, too, broke a cycle. I want my kids to not need me, rather to want to consult with me as needed. I’ve raised them to make good choices or accept the consequences for so-called bad choices. My oldest will likely always stay close by choice. It’s just how he’s made. My youngest will explore the ends of the earth and always know that home is a safe place to return to if needed. I taught him both to fly and am crazy proud of the adults they continue to become. This new phase in parenting is just as scary as all the others and just as invigorating. Keep lifting up your astronaut and hold on for an amazing ride 💗
Yes, your son’s love and life are a gift to you. But, I hope you know what an incredible gift you are to your son’s life; past, present and future! If more adults parented with your philosophy, teachers wouldn’t dread parent-teacher conferences nearly as much as they do! 😉 I’m glad this was a “Mike Mikes” topic. The share is appreciated!
Gods, how this resonated. I was raised like veal.. allowed to grow only enough to serve their predetermined purpose. I spent my 20s, and an embarrassing chunk of my 30s, making the mistakes I should've learned from as a much younger soul. That you're able to sever the threads of generations past is tremendous.
💖 Just what I needed - thanks ... some weeks just seem "blah" with a cumulative effect of bad news & bad behaviour around, but then there is opening THIS & consuming the story & the metaphors while smiling & clapping👏 & remembering the GOOD things that are also happening.
I had a relative that did the same - deliberately unlearned parental behaviour & CHOOSING a different parenting path. The children long achieved lift off, but CHOOSE to keep them in their lives, and now the lives of their own children - THAT is the legacy of a good parent/child relationship, & I suspect that when your son launches, you will be somewhere in orbit with him, part of the support crew that still gets to play a part in the journey. I have so enjoyed "seeing" your son develop through your eyes ... hope his injury comes right but if not between you, you will work out the next steps 🫂
Mike, you have a wonderful relationship with your son, and I enjoying reading about both of you. We all try to not be our parents, especially if they harmed us. Our kids may leave home, but they will always, always be our kids. Much love, and hope for your son as he fledges.
This hit the mark for me and my 20 year old son. So proud of the young man he has grown into yet a gentle ache in my heart for the little boy he was. I, too, am standing back and watching him soar knowing my job was preparing him for his solo flight.
Oh man. This made me cry. My son just turned 18. He is readying to go to college and I am so proud. He was my "little buddy". When he was an infant I was not working, so I took the night feedings, holding him in my arms and quietly watching cable TV as I fed him his bottle. At dawn, my wife took over after a full nights sleep and allowed me to get rest. We hosted Youtube vidoes we shared with family and I enjoyed a first child list of firts. First steps, first time pooping in a potty, first day of school, first girlfriend. You name it. Now he is leaving my pull and it is happy and sad, and reminds me of my own aging.
I’m giving you a lot of credit for breaking the chains that bound you and your childhood and raised your son differently. That doesn’t happen nearly often enough…
Your sweet special friend encouraged reading this, and I succumbed because she is so dear. I, as a parent of four, loved your deep space thoughts. Well done, VB.
A brilliant piece on creating a healthy environment for your children. Well done and inspiring.
1000 times YES!!. My counseling clients are male criminal offenders. Most of whom have the emotional maturity of early adolescence. Their parenting typically ranged from enmeshed helicoptering to abject neglect. The very opposite of the path you have taken with your son. I cannot emphasize enough how important the goal of raising a functional adult is. I see what happens when it isn’t. Your son is incredibly fortunate to have you as his dad. It will pay off for the rest of his life. You’ll see. And when you do, don’t be shy about taking some of the credit 🙂
There’s something visceral about this piece - for you and for us - I think. I’m just catching up but I felt this one in my bones.
Outstanding. Thanks for sharing.
I tried... I overcame much of the self-absorption and indifference my mother had when I was younger, and definitely steered far from the physical, verbal, and sexual abuse that my father used, but somehow one kid flew and the other hasn't... yet. Hope springs eternal, however, and we are still working with mental health professionals to get her off the ground. I'm not sure where the mission aborted, but hopefully, we'll get there eventually. <3 Congrats on making terrific 'seat-of-the-pants' parenting choices. We children of somewhat hidebound, imperfect parents can do a lot when we try!
My youngest will be 18 in a month. I will be a mom to 2 young adults. I’m proud to say that I, too, broke a cycle. I want my kids to not need me, rather to want to consult with me as needed. I’ve raised them to make good choices or accept the consequences for so-called bad choices. My oldest will likely always stay close by choice. It’s just how he’s made. My youngest will explore the ends of the earth and always know that home is a safe place to return to if needed. I taught him both to fly and am crazy proud of the adults they continue to become. This new phase in parenting is just as scary as all the others and just as invigorating. Keep lifting up your astronaut and hold on for an amazing ride 💗
Yes, your son’s love and life are a gift to you. But, I hope you know what an incredible gift you are to your son’s life; past, present and future! If more adults parented with your philosophy, teachers wouldn’t dread parent-teacher conferences nearly as much as they do! 😉 I’m glad this was a “Mike Mikes” topic. The share is appreciated!
Gods, how this resonated. I was raised like veal.. allowed to grow only enough to serve their predetermined purpose. I spent my 20s, and an embarrassing chunk of my 30s, making the mistakes I should've learned from as a much younger soul. That you're able to sever the threads of generations past is tremendous.
💖 Just what I needed - thanks ... some weeks just seem "blah" with a cumulative effect of bad news & bad behaviour around, but then there is opening THIS & consuming the story & the metaphors while smiling & clapping👏 & remembering the GOOD things that are also happening.
I had a relative that did the same - deliberately unlearned parental behaviour & CHOOSING a different parenting path. The children long achieved lift off, but CHOOSE to keep them in their lives, and now the lives of their own children - THAT is the legacy of a good parent/child relationship, & I suspect that when your son launches, you will be somewhere in orbit with him, part of the support crew that still gets to play a part in the journey. I have so enjoyed "seeing" your son develop through your eyes ... hope his injury comes right but if not between you, you will work out the next steps 🫂
Spreading so much wisdom. Thank you.
Mike, you have a wonderful relationship with your son, and I enjoying reading about both of you. We all try to not be our parents, especially if they harmed us. Our kids may leave home, but they will always, always be our kids. Much love, and hope for your son as he fledges.
No point in my saying anything, except "Oh yes, this." And: thank you so much for writing this.
This hit the mark for me and my 20 year old son. So proud of the young man he has grown into yet a gentle ache in my heart for the little boy he was. I, too, am standing back and watching him soar knowing my job was preparing him for his solo flight.